Ah yes, the age-old question. Is working at an office harder than staying at home, or easier? And why? I have to wonder why we even have these conversations. It’s not an argument that can be won, since both jobs are completely different. It’s apples and oranges. And why would you want to “win”? Aren’t we better off appreciating our own jobs for what they are, both pros and cons, and being happy we made the right decision? Presumably people WOH because they want to, and SAH because they want to (generally speaking). So what’s the point?
There was a discussion about this in another forum that I frequent. I’ll repost my comments here:
I don’t think you can say either job is harder. Each one has its difficulties, its rewards, its ups and downs. Each one is hard in its own way, and has advantages over the other in its own way.
A SAHP doesn’t get to have time among adults all day. A WOHP has to be among adults all day.
A WOHP has to deal with petty office politics. A SAHP has to deal with a little guy who unquestionably runs the house.
A SAHP has to be up for the day when the baby is up for the day. But, that’s likely later than a WOHP would be up.
A WOHP has to dress for the office; no comfy jeans and T’s. But a WOHP also has the chance to enjoy nice fashions and the excuse to buy them.
A SAHP is on call from the moment baby wakes. A WOHP very possibly has an hour or two commute every day (or longer!).
A WOHP probably likes his/her job OK, at least some of the time. A SAHP is almost certain to say s/he enjoys that job best of any job ever.
A WOHP likely spends 8-12 hours a day immersed in complicated business issues. But a WOHP also gets a break for lunch and to go to the bathroom.
I really think it’s impossible to say whose job is harder because they are simply so different. There’s no way to compare. And you know, I think that’s the way it ought to be approached. No good comes of a spitting contest about whose job is harder in a marriage.
Unfortunately, it is in fact true that many WOHPs don’t see the SAH job for what it is, and don’t appreciate how difficult it is until they have to do it (I find this mostly true of men, but it could go either way, since more and more men are choosing to SAH, a trend I find refreshing). But the opposite is also true. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I love my job. If I didn’t, I’d find another option (options, of course, also include staying home). I would hope the same would be said of most of us.
holly | 22-Sep-07 at 1:57 pm | Permalink
I have to wonder why we even have these conversations. It’s not an argument that can be won
I agree - it is a bit pointless to argue this stuff among friends and message boards. It seems like it is all about who is more important with more difficult = more important.
However, this type of discussion between spouses happen when real tangible resources are at stake (in situations when one spouse works). For example, if a child vomits at 4 in the morning, then whose responsibility is it to get up? On Friday night when both have been invited out by their respective girl/guy friends, who gets to go out and who stays home with the kids? (There is no right answer). But then the “my job is harder, I deserve the time off” or “I have to get up tomorrow” said by both happens and all the sudden it’s more than respect on some message board, it’s fighting over scant resources that most people in otherwise happy marriages seem to do, regardless of how they prepare themselves to avoid it….
holly | 22-Sep-07 at 2:11 pm | Permalink
And why would you want to “win”? Aren’t we better off appreciating our own jobs,/i>
The previous reply is why you would want to “win”. Then you get that resource you both expect. At some point you realize it is really silly though.
I’ve also heard similar arguments in blogs about the corporate world vs academia over whose is harder. I can’t find the quote I’m looking for.
amy | 24-Sep-07 at 8:38 am | Permalink
so funny that you posted about this now….cj and i are always in a back and forth (mostly in jest..mostly) about who works harder during the day. i’m pretty confident that he’d drop dead in a matter of a week if he had my job at home with the kiddos
but i think that’s the point..and you hit it. each of us is created to do something unique, just as we are all uniquely designed. while i can give you a list of 100 “pros/cons” each way there’s nothing i’d rather be doing. and i think in respect to a marriage it’s just like anything else and takes lots of communication about needs and taking the other persons perspective, feelings, etc into consideration each day. easier said than done bc we are also created with some twisted competitive edge and need to always be right, lol 
Valtrex. | 24-Jun-08 at 3:12 pm | Permalink
Valtrex….
Side effects for valtrex. Dosage for valtrex. Valtrex. Valtrex side effects….